Worrying about a partner’s drinking habits can be painful and confusing. You might find yourself constantly wondering — “Am I overreacting?” or “What if they get upset when I bring it up?” These thoughts are completely normal, but avoiding the conversation can often make things harder in the long run.
If you feel your partner’s drinking is getting out of control, reaching out with care and honesty can be an important first step — for both of you.
Understanding the Signs
It’s not always easy to tell when drinking has become a problem. But paying attention to certain changes can help you understand what’s going on. Research has found that couples where one partner regularly drinks to the point of intoxication are about 50% more likely to separate or divorce than other couples.
Some common signs that alcohol might be causing harm include:
- Noticeable mood or personality changes after drinking
- Spending long hours drinking outside the home
- Missing work, family gatherings, or other responsibilities
- Legal or social issues related to alcohol use
- Difficulty stopping once drinking begins
Approaching the Conversation
Simply asking your partner to stop drinking or criticizing their habits rarely helps — in fact, it can make them defensive. Instead, try approaching the topic from a place of care and connection.
Begin by accepting that there’s a problem — without making excuses or minimizing what’s happening. Then, share how their drinking affects you and your relationship.
Using calm, non-blaming language — for example, “I feel distant when you drink a lot,” or “I worry about your health when you drink heavily” — can help your partner hear you without feeling attacked.
Take Care of Yourself, Too
Supporting someone who struggles with alcohol can be emotionally exhausting. Make sure you have your own support — whether that’s through a trusted friend, counsellor, or support group. Remember, you’re not alone in this, and seeking help for yourself is just as important as helping your partner.