We often meet individuals who say,
“Why do I keep ending up in the same kind of situations?”
“Why do relationships feel so difficult for me?”
“Why do I feel things more intensely than others seem to?”
These are not uncommon experiences, but when such patterns of thinking, feeling, and behaving become rigid, long-lasting, and cause distress or difficulties in daily life, they may point toward a Personality Disorder.
What Are Personality Disorders?
Our personality is what makes each of us unique, it’s our consistent way of perceiving, relating to, and interacting with the world. It includes our emotions, coping styles, and the way we connect with others.
A Personality Disorder (PD) develops when these patterns become inflexible and maladaptive, meaning they create repeated problems rather than helping us adapt. These patterns often start in adolescence or early adulthood and continue over time.
It’s Not About “Bad Personality”
The term personality disorder is often misunderstood. It doesn’t mean someone has a “bad” or “flawed” personality. Rather, it means that certain ways of coping, relating, or defending oneself that might have once been helpful, have become fixed and distressing, especially in relationships or under stress.
Personality disorders often arise from a mix of:
- Early life experiences (such as neglect, abuse, or unstable caregiving)
- Temperament and genetic factors
- Attachment disruptions and long-term emotional invalidation
These experiences can shape how safe one feels in relationships, how emotions are expressed, and how trust is built.
Common Types of Personality Disorders
Personality disorders are grouped into three broad categories (clusters), based on patterns of behavior and experience.
Cluster A – Odd or Eccentric Patterns
- Paranoid Personality Disorder: Distrust and suspicion of others.
- Schizoid Personality Disorder: Preference for solitude, emotional detachment.
- Schizotypal Personality Disorder: Unusual beliefs or perceptions, social anxiety.
Cluster B – Dramatic, Emotional, or Erratic Patterns
- Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD): Intense emotions, unstable self-image, fear of abandonment, impulsivity.
- Narcissistic Personality Disorder: Grandiosity, deep need for admiration, sensitivity to criticism.
- Histrionic Personality Disorder: Attention-seeking, emotional expressiveness.
- Antisocial Personality Disorder: Disregard for rules or others’ rights, impulsivity.
Cluster C – Anxious or Fearful Patterns
- Avoidant Personality Disorder: Social inhibition, feelings of inadequacy, fear of rejection.
- Dependent Personality Disorder: Excessive need for care or reassurance, difficulty being independent.
- Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder (OCPD): Perfectionism, rigidity, over-focus on rules and control.
While categories help in understanding, many people experience overlapping traits. The aim in therapy is not to label, but to understand patterns and create flexibility.
Signs That Might Indicate a Personality Disorder
- Repeated difficulties in relationships
- Intense emotional reactions or mood swings
- Chronic feelings of emptiness or identity confusion
- Difficulty trusting or connecting with others
- Self-sabotaging behavior or impulsivity
- Rigid ways of thinking (“all or nothing,” “always,” “never”)
- Long-standing patterns of distress or conflict
Personality Disorders and Stigma
Unfortunately, personality disorders are often misunderstood, both by society and even within healthcare.
People with personality disorders are not “manipulative,” “difficult,” or “attention-seeking.”
They are often deeply hurt individuals trying to manage emotions and relationships with the tools they learned in unsafe or invalidating environments. Therapy helps by building new, healthier tools.
Therapy
Recovery from a personality disorder is very much possible.
Therapy doesn’t aim to “change who you are”, it helps you understand patterns, manage emotions, and develop healthier ways of relating.
At Aayaas Counselling Center, therapy for personality disorders often includes:
- Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT): For emotional regulation, distress tolerance, and interpersonal effectiveness.
- Schema Therapy: Helps identify and heal deep-seated life patterns rooted in childhood experiences.
- Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT): Helps modify rigid or unhelpful thought patterns.
- Mentalization-Based Therapy (MBT): Enhances understanding of self and others’ mental states to improve relationships.
Treatment focuses on stability, understanding, and growth, rather than on judgment or labels.
References:
- American Psychiatric Association. (2022). Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (5th ed., text rev.; DSM-5-TR).
- Livesley, W. J., & Dimaggio, G. (Eds.). (2018). Integrated Treatment for Personality Disorder: A Modular Approach.
- Young, J., Klosko, J., & Weishaar, M. (2003). Schema Therapy: A Practitioner’s Guide.
- Linehan, M. M. (2015). DBT Skills Training Manual (2nd ed.).