Trigger Warning: This article discusses themes of abuse and trauma that may be distressing to some readers. Please take care while reading.
What is Dating Violence?
Dating violence refers to a pattern of abusive behavior within romantic or intimate relationships. It is commonly observed in adolescent and young adult relationships and includes physical, emotional, psychological, verbal, sexual, financial, and digital forms of abuse. It can occur in person or online, between current or former partners.
Dating violence may also be called teen dating violence, adolescent dating abuse, or intimate partner violence. Regardless of the term, this issue is recognized globally as a serious public health concern.
Importantly, we refer to individuals who have experienced dating violence as survivors, honoring their strength and journey.
Why It Matters: The Impact of Dating Violence
Dating violence can leave deep psychological and physical scars. It has been linked to:
- Mental health issues like depression, anxiety, PTSD, substance use
- Suicidal thoughts or behaviors
- Unplanned teenage pregnancies
- Future risk of involvement in abusive relationships — as victims or perpetrators
Early experiences in relationships often shape future beliefs and behaviors. A cycle of violence can emerge where survivors of abuse are more vulnerable to either experiencing or repeating abusive patterns later in life.
The Reality: What Do the Numbers Say?
A national study in the U.S. revealed some stark facts:
- 69% of teens reported being victims of dating violence.
- Girls aged 15–18 had the highest rates of victimization (73%) and also reported perpetration (66%).
- Psychological abuse was the most common form, followed by verbal and physical abuse.
- A significant number (58%) reported both experiencing and committing abuse — showing how blurred the lines can become in cycles of violence.
These findings challenge common myths — such as the belief that only girls are victims or only boys are perpetrators. Dating violence can affect anyone, regardless of gender, sexual orientation, or background.
Forms of Dating Violence
Dating violence can take many forms. Some may be overt, while others are subtle and harder to identify.
- Verbal Abuse
- Use of harsh words, insults, swearing, and derogatory comments that harm self-esteem.
- Physical Abuse
- Slapping, hitting, shoving, choking, burning, spitting, or using weapons to harm.
- Force-feeding or restricting food, water, or basic needs.
- Psychological Abuse
- Gaslighting, manipulation, blackmail, threats, humiliation, or constant criticism.
- Ignoring, isolating, or controlling behavior that undermines self-worth.
- Sexual Abuse
- Any sexual activity without consent, including pressure, coercion, or rape.
- Tampering with contraception or exposing a partner to sexual content without consent.
- Sexist Abuse
- Actions or comments based on gender stereotypes or biases; disrespect or devaluation based on gender identity.
- Financial Abuse
- Controlling spending, stealing money, blocking access to finances, or discouraging employment.
- Digital Abuse
- Monitoring online activity, hacking, sharing private content without permission, or sending abusive messages.
- Stalking
- Repeated, unwanted contact — messages, calls, visits, tracking — meant to intimidate or control.
- Social Abuse
- Isolating the person from friends and family, controlling their social interactions.
- Cultural Abuse
- Mocking cultural or religious practices, or forcing someone to adopt a different culture or belief system.
The Cycle of Abuse: Why It’s Hard to Leave
Dr. Lenore Walker’s Cycle of Abuse helps us understand why survivors often stay in unhealthy relationships. The cycle includes:
- Tension Building Phase – Communication breaks down, tension escalates, and the victim may feel confused or anxious.
- Incident Phase – Abuse occurs. The survivor may be blamed, feel at fault, or experience fear and shock.
- Reconciliation Phase – The abuser may apologize, justify behavior, or show affection to win back trust.
- Calm/Honeymoon Phase – The relationship feels “normal” again, giving survivors false hope of change.
Unfortunately, the cycle often repeats, and the abuse escalates with time.
Recognizing Red Flags: Signs of an Unhealthy Relationship
- Feeling afraid to express opinions
- Constant criticism or belittlement
- Isolation from friends or family
- Jealousy disguised as love
- Pressure to engage in unwanted activities
- Tracking or monitoring without consent
Healthy relationships are based on respect, trust, equality, and mutual decision-making. There is room for individuality, open communication, and healthy boundaries.
What Can You Do?
If You Are Experiencing Abuse:
- Talk to someone you trust — a friend, parent, teacher, or counsellor.
- Seek professional help. Therapists, psychologists, and clinical psychologists can support you in navigating trauma and healing.
- In India, NGOs such as Muktha Foundation provide targeted support for survivors of dating and intimate partner violence.
If You Recognize Abusive Behavior in Yourself:
- Acknowledge it — and seek help. Many individuals who perpetrate abuse have also experienced trauma or unhealthy models of relationships.
- Therapy can help break this cycle and build healthier relationship patterns.
References
- Belyh, A. (2019, September 25). Cycle of Abuse: Definition, Explained, Examples. Cleverism. Retrieved from https://www.cleverism.com/cycle-of-abuse/
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2012a). Healthy people 2020 topics & objectives: Injury and violence prevention. Retrieved from http://healthypeople.gov/2020/topicsobjectives2020/overview.aspx?topicid=24
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention. (2012b). Injury prevention & control, violence prevention: Teen dating violence. Retrieved from http://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/intimatepartnerviolence/teen_dating_violence.html
- Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (2016). Injury Prevention and Control Division of Violence Prevention Understanding Teen Dating Violence. Retrieved from https://www.cdc.gov/violenceprevention/pdf/teen-dating-violence-factsheet-a.pdf, accessed 11 October 2017.
- Chiodo, D., Crooks, C., Wolfe, D., McIsaac, C., Hughes, R., & Jaffe, P. G. (2012). Longitudinal prediction and concurrent functioning of adolescent girls demonstrating various profiles of dating violence and victimization. Prevention Science, 13, 350-359.
- Gomez, A. M. (2011). Testing the cycle of violence hypothesis: Child abuse and adolescent dating violence as predictors of intimate partner violence in young adulthood. Youth & Society, 43, 171-192. 10.1177/0044118x09358313
- Mendoza, M.M., & Mulford, C. (2018). Relationship Dynamics and Teen Dating Violence. National Institute of Justice Research in brief. Retrieved from https://www.ncjrs.gov/pdffiles1/nij/251031.pdf
- Perez-Marco, A., Soares, P., Davo-Blanes, M.C. & Vives-Cases, C. (2020). Identifying Types of Dating Violence and Protective Factors among Adolescents in Spain: A Qualitative Analysis of Lights4Violence Materials. International Journal of Environmental Research and Public Health, 17, 2443. http://dx.doi.org/10.3390/ijerph17072443
- Silverman, J. G., Raj, A., & Clements, K. (2004). Dating violence and associated sexual risk and pregnancy among adolescent girls in the United States. Pediatrics, 114, 220-225.
- Social abuse. 1800 Respect. Retrieved from https://www.1800respect.org.au/violence-and-abuse/social-abuse
- Taquette, S.R., & Monteiro, D.L. (2019). Causes and consequences of adolescent dating violence: a systematic review. Journal of Injury and Violence Research, 11(2), 137-147. https://dx.doi.org/10.5249%2Fjivr.v11i2.1061
- Taylor, B.G., & Mumford, E.A. (2014). A National Descriptive Portrait of Adolescent Relationship Abuse: Results from the National Survey on Teen Relationships and Intimate Violence. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 1-26. 10.1177/0886260514564070
- What are different types of dating abuse? Love is respect. Retrieved from https://www.loveisrespect.org/is-this-abuse/types-of-abuse/
- 6 different types of abuse. Reach beyond domestic violence. Retrieved from https://reachma.org/6-different-types-abuse/