Containment refers to the therapist’s ability to hold the client’s emotions without becoming overwhelmed or reactive. It allows the client to “borrow” the therapist’s nervous system, particularly in moments of dysregulation, and experience being held within a safe relational field. This sense of containment, when consistent and reliable, reduces fear and fosters a growing sense of inner coherence.
Mirroring is the accurate reflection of the client’s internal state—verbal, emotional, and somatic—by the therapist. It allows the client to feel seen and understood, often in ways they may have never experienced before. Through this reflection, clients can internalize a more cohesive and affirming sense of self.
Attunement is the therapist’s ongoing effort to “feel with” the client and adjust their responses to meet the client’s emotional needs in real-time. It is less about getting it perfectly right and more about staying present, responsive, and willing to repair when disconnection inevitably arises.
Together, these elements form the backbone of relational safety—the core condition that allows deeper work to unfold.
Understanding Attachment Styles in the Therapy Room
Attachment styles—secure, anxious, avoidant, and disorganized—shape how individuals relate to others, particularly in moments of stress, need, or intimacy. These patterns are formed early in life through repeated interactions with caregivers and become internal working models that influence expectations in adult relationships, including with the therapist. Clients with an anxious attachment may become preoccupied with the therapist’s availability, fearing abandonment or misattunement. Those with avoidant strategies may struggle to trust or rely on the therapist, often minimizing their own needs. Disorganized attachment, which stems from frightening or chaotic early experiences, can lead to deep ambivalence, confusion, or fear within the therapeutic bond. Recognizing and understanding these attachment styles allows therapists to tailor their use of containment, mirroring, and attunement to meet each client where they are—offering consistent, non-reactive presence while gently challenging maladaptive relational patterns. Over time, the therapist becomes a secure enough base from which clients can begin to explore new ways of being in relationship.
The Role—and Limits—of Reparenting
Many therapists practicing from an attachment or psychodynamic lens will naturally embody some aspects of the “good parent”—providing safety, structure, empathy, and presence. This is sometimes referred to as limited reparenting: the therapist provides some of the emotional experiences the client may have missed in early relationships, within the structure and boundaries of a professional relationship
However, a common pitfall arises when therapists unconsciously begin to view themselves as the only “healthy parent figure” in a client’s life. This well-meaning stance can lead to enmeshment, rescuer dynamics, or the internalization of guilt that rightfully belongs to others in the client’s past. Therapists may begin to carry burdens—such as the pain of the client’s unmet childhood needs—as if they were personally responsible for healing them.
True limited reparenting acknowledges its limitations. The therapist is not the client’s parent. The therapeutic relationship, while deeply meaningful, is not a substitute for all other relationships in the client’s life. It is a corrective emotional experience, not a permanent replacement. When therapists take on more than what is theirs to carry, they may inadvertently reinforce dependency rather than autonomy.
Toward an Earned Secure Base
When containment, mirroring, and attunement are offered consistently within the framework of limited reparenting, clients begin to internalize these relational experiences. Over time, this can lead to the development of an earned secure base—a term used to describe the secure attachment that emerges in adulthood despite a history of insecure or disorganized attachment.
An earned secure base doesn’t mean the client becomes perfectly self-sufficient. Instead, it means they begin to trust in the possibility of safety, both within themselves and in relationships. They learn how to regulate affect, recognize their needs, set boundaries, and seek connection without collapse or over-reliance.
The therapist’s role is crucial—but not infinite. By holding a stance of compassionate limitation, the therapist models boundaries that are both firm and warm. This boundary modeling is, in itself, part of the healing. It tells the client: “You are worthy of care, and also capable of holding your own life.”
Conclusion
Attachment-based therapy offers a powerful framework for healing early relational wounds through the interlocking capacities of containment, mirroring, and attunement. But to be truly effective—and sustainable—these must be grounded in the practice of limited reparenting. Therapists must remainmindful of their role: to offer a temporary, reparative experience that supports the client’s capacity to form lasting, secure attachments beyond the therapy room.
In doing so, they help clients move toward an earned secure base, not through idealization or dependency, but through authentic connection, mutual respect, and the deep safety that arises when both therapist and client know—and trust—the limits of the therapeutic relationship.