What Mindfulness Really Means in Therapy
We live in a world that tells us to get over it, think positive, and move on.
But the truth is, healing rarely looks like progress, it looks like sitting in the middle of pain, uncertainty, and unease without immediately trying to escape it.
That’s what mindfulness really is: The radical art of being with what hurts, instead of running from it.
Human brains are wired to seek pleasure and avoid pain.
It’s an ancient survival mechanism the, amygdala (our brain’s threat detector) constantly scans for danger and pushes us toward comfort and safety.
So when emotional pain arises be it grief, anxiety, shame, or heartbreak our instinct is to fix, numb, or distract.
Scrolling. Eating. Overworking. Rationalizing.
We try to think our way out of feeling.
But emotions that are avoided don’t vanish they go underground and resurface as anxiety, irritability, chronic tension, or emotional numbness.
Psychologist Carl Jung said it best:
“What you resist, persists.”
So what Mindfulness really is? In therapy, mindfulness isn’t about staying calm or emptying your mind.
It’s about paying gentle, nonjudgmental attention to your inner experience especially when it’s uncomfortable.
The word “mindfulness” comes from sati, a Pali term meaning to remember.
It means remembering to come back again and again to the present moment, even when that moment isn’t pleasant.
When we sit with discomfort, we tell the nervous system: “This emotion isn’t a threat. I can stay.”
And over time, the brain learns that sadness, fear, or uncertainty aren’t emergencies they’re experiences that can be felt and survived.
Functional MRI studies (Davidson et al., 2003; Tang et al., 2015) show that mindfulness practices reshape the brain strengthening the prefrontal cortex (the center of regulation and reflection) and calming the amygdala (the fear center).
What does this mean in therapy?
It means when you stay with a feeling rather than avoid it, you’re literally retraining your nervous system to tolerate discomfort.
You’re expanding what trauma researcher Dan Siegel calls the “window of tolerance.”
Over time, what once overwhelmed you begins to feel manageable.
Not because life got easier but because your capacity grew.
Now how it looks in real life- A client once said to me, “When sadness comes, I usually distract myself. But for the first time, I just sat there and felt it and it didn’t destroy me.”
That moment not the disappearance of sadness was the beginning of healing.
In mindfulness-based therapy (like MBCT or ACT), clients learn that pain and suffering are not the same.
Pain is inevitable; suffering is what happens when we fight the pain.
Mindfulness helps us experience emotion directly without adding stories like “this will never end,” “something’s wrong with me,” or “I shouldn’t feel this way.”
How to Practice the Art of Sitting With Discomfort
1. Notice, Name, and Normalize Say internally:
“This is sadness.”
“This is fear.”
“This is anger.”
Naming the emotion activates the brain’s left hemisphere (language, reasoning), which naturally soothes the right hemisphere (emotion, intensity).
2. Anchor to the Body
When discomfort feels too big, bring awareness to your breath, feet, or heartbeat.
Your body is the safest anchor to return to the present.
3. Drop the Judgment
Replace “I shouldn’t feel this” with “It’s okay to feel this.”
Compassion calms the nervous system faster than control ever could.
4. Breathe Through, Not Out of, the Emotion
Breathing slowly signals safety to the vagus nerve.
Instead of using the breath to escape, use it to make room for the emotion.
5. Remember, It’s Temporary
Every feeling has a life cycle.
If you stay long enough, it peaks and passes like a wave that always returns to stillness.
Therapy often begins with the desire to “get rid of” pain but true healing happens when we learn to stay with pain to meet it with curiosity instead of resistance.
Because discomfort isn’t the enemy. It’s the doorway to awareness, to acceptance, and to becoming more fully human.