Have you ever been caught off guard by a question from your child? Maybe your 6-year-old asked, “How do babies get inside the tummy?” Or your 9-year-old came home saying, “My friend said he’s gay—what does that mean?”
You’re not alone. Many parents feel a mix of surprise, discomfort, and even panic when these questions come up. It’s tempting to say, “You’re too young for this” or “We’ll talk about it later.” But deep down, you know these are important moments.
Your child asked you. That means they trust you. They see you as their safe place—and that’s something to be proud of.
Why Children Ask “Big” Questions?
Children are naturally curious. They observe everything around them—conversations at home, what’s on TV, things their friends say, or even overheard chats at school. They start forming questions like:
- Why does my friend live with only one parent?
- Why do boys like boys?
- Why did that person die?
- What’s a period?
- Why is that aunty dressed like a man?
These questions aren’t meant to be disrespectful. They’re simply trying to make sense of a world that is often confusing. And they’re hoping you can explain it in a way that feels safe and kind.
How to Respond: A Gentle Step-by-Step Approach
1. Stay Calm and Open
Even if you're surprised, try not to react with panic, laughter,
or shock. Your tone tells
your child whether it's okay to be curious.
“That’s a good question, I’m glad you asked.”
2. Understand What They’re Really Asking
Before jumping into an explanation, ask:
“Where did you hear that?” or “What do you think it means?”
This helps you know how much they already understand and what they’re really trying to ask.
3. Keep It Honest—but Age-Appropriate
Always tell the truth, but in a way that suits your child’s age.
Examples:
- Q: What does gay mean?
“It means when a boy loves another boy, or a girl loves another girl. Some people love differently, and that’s okay.” - Q: Where do babies come from?
For young children: “Babies grow inside a special place in the mother’s tummy called the womb.”
For older children: “There are many ways to make a baby, and I’ll explain more when you’re ready. But the most important thing is that babies need love and care to grow.” - Q: Why does my friend live with his mom and her
friend?
“Every family is different. Some children live with both parents, some with one, and some with relatives or close friends. What matters most is that the child is loved and taken care of.”
4. Use Stories, Books, and Examples
Children connect well with pictures and stories. Use books or relatable characters to help explain topics like emotions, growing up, or understanding differences in people.
5. Reflect Your Family’s Values with Kindness
Share your values gently and respectfully.
“In our family, we believe in kindness and respecting everyone, even if they are
different from us.”
6. Keep the Conversation Ongoing
These talks aren’t one-time events. Your child will revisit
topics as they grow.
“I might not have all the answers right away, but I’ll always help you understand.”
What Not to Do
- Don’t say: “You’re too young” or “Don’t ask such things.” This can shut down your child’s curiosity and trust.
- Don’t lie: Avoid made-up stories just to escape the question. Children often sense when something’s off.
- Don’t over-explain: Too many details can confuse or overwhelm. Keep it simple.
You Are Enough
It’s Okay Not to Know. You might not always know what to say in the moment—and that’s completely okay. You can say:
“That’s a good question. Let me think about the best way to explain it, and we’ll talk soon.”
This shows your child that their question matters and that you care enough to give it thought.
You don’t need to be a child expert or have all the perfect answers. You just need to be honest, patient, and open. Every time your child brings you a question, it’s a chance to build trust, share values, and help them grow into kind and confident people.
So next time your child surprises you with a big
question,
take a breath and
say—
“That’s a good question. Let’s talk about it.”