In my years of working with children and families, one pattern I’ve seen again and again is this: concerned, loving parents walking in with a heart full of worry and a phone full of screenshots.
They’ve read everything they could find online. About tantrums. About screen time. About anxiety. About learning difficulties. About “what to do when your child refuses school” or “how to handle aggression.” They’ve tried it all sticker charts, strict schedules, mindful breathing apps. Some things may have helped. Others only left them more confused.
And they sit in front of me and say: “We’re trying everything, but nothing seems to work. Are we doing something wrong?”
My answer is always gentle but firm:
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re just trying to apply generic advice to a very specific child. And that rarely works.
The Internet Has Information, Not Insight
It’s true the internet is full of information. But information is not the same as knowledge. Articles and videos can list signs, symptoms, and solutions. But they do not know your child’s temperament, your parenting style, your family culture, or the emotional history your child carries silently.
They do not know that your 7-year-old’s “anger outburst” started soon after her baby sibling was born.
They do not know that your teenager’s “laziness” is actually hidden anxiety about failing.
They cannot see that your 10-year-old’s school refusal is rooted not in stubbornness but in fear of separation, or academic stress, or subtle bullying.
In short, the internet offers tips, not understanding. It gives strategies, but not context.
Real Parenting Is Not One-Size-Fits-All
I’ve worked with children who throw things when they’re overwhelmed not because they’re “undisciplined,” but because they don’t yet have the words to say “I’m scared”. I’ve seen children who lie not because they’re manipulative, but because they fear disappointing their parents.
I’ve supported children who suddenly become aggressive not out of defiance, but because it’s their only way to regain control in a world that feels uncertain.
And I’ve seen parents trying to apply strategies they found online, feeling frustrated when they don’t work and worse, blaming themselves or their child.
But here’s the truth:
Parenting is not a science experiment. Your child is not a problem to be solved.
Parenting is a relationship. And every child, like every relationship, needs something different.
What truly helps is not rushing to fix things, but slowing down, to observe, to listen, and to understand what lies beneath the behavior.
When someone like a counsellor or psychologist offers a new perspective:
To see your child not as a “problem,” but as a person. Who doesn’t blame parents but understands their journey. Who offers not judgment, but gentle guidance. Not just words, but practical way that truly work, which help in creating emotional safety at home. It Replaces “Why are you always doing this?” with “Tell me what’s been hard today.”
Because children don’t always say, “I’m anxious.” They say, “My stomach hurts.” They don’t say, “I feel overwhelmed.” They cry, scream, avoid, or act out.
Dear Parents,
if you’ve been doing your best and still feel lost, please know this: You’re not alone, and you’re not failing. What your child needs isn’t a perfect parent, but a present one. And what you need isn’t more advice but support that sees you, and sees your child, for who you truly are. Because healing begins not with fixing, but with understanding. And change begins not with control, but with connection. You don’t have to figure it all out on your own.
Sometimes, the bravest step a parent can take is to ask for help that’s human.